she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
