Three words: puerto rican gang bang
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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