eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
false alarm, still single
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