I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
