fuck your aforementioned shoe
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
