I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
