im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
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I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
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Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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