So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
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Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
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i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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