I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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