I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
