she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
