i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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