I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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