Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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