I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
