is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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