have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
