he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
