I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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