Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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