I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
