this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize