Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
