I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
