apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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