she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
