I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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