Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize