hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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