Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
