Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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