I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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