I CAN MOONWALK!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.