the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
