even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.