Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
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so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
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I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.