how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
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I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
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Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions