She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..