He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
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his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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