I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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