I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
