I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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