i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
