i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
