Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
