Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm like, not good at living.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
