I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
