you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
