he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
