It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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