gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
