How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
