i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
