you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i came on her dog
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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