can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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