I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
