She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
