You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
