Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
