Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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