Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
