soooo we both peed the bed last night...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
