Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
