So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I smell stomach acid.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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