Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
