quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
