I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
