As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Randomize
