her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
