Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
