Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
