Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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