I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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