i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
