the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
