WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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