I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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