I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
