Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
